Who am I? What am I like? What do I enjoy? How do I behave when I'm at my best? What about when I’m are at my worst?
For many of us, these are lifelong questions.
In my formation as a vocational counselor and as a minister I have studied, taken, and learned about many different frameworks for understanding personality. These include, but are not limited to the MBTI, the Enneagram, the Four Tendencies, and more. Each of these frameworks gets at pieces of who we are, how we are wired, and what that might mean for our lives.
I like to think of them as pieces to the puzzle I am trying to put together to better understand myself.
I recently came across a new framework (well, it’s new to me) for how we understand ourselves. The idea of Sparketypes developed by Jonathan Fields is described in his book Sparked: Discover Your Unique Imprint for Work that Makes You Come Alive. The framework gets at the essence of who we are as individuals, using ten Sparketypes as guides. It all hinges on taking this assessment to see which is your Primary, Shadow, and Anti-Sparketype.
Your Primary is the thing that brings you most alive. Your Shadow is often a close second, or the runner up to your Primary. Finally, your Anti-Sparketype is the task that Fields describes as “the heaviest lift for you.” The Anti-Sparketype is often something you do because you have to in order to excel at your Primary and Shadow types.
Scene: Susan and I are on a walk with Bader.
Me: “So I took the test. Do you want to know what my results were?”
Susan: “Sure.”
Me: “My primary sparketype is the Performer, whose essence is to bring moments alive. My shadow is the Essentialist whose instinct is to organize pretty much anything. My anti-sparketype is the Maven, who has an insatiable appetite for information. That means that I consume more and more information but really only to be able to do the other things like performing and organizing.”
Susan: (laughing) “Sorry, you had to take a test to know that?”
End scene.
Truth is, anyone who knows me well would not be surprised by any of this.
My results were spot on, and when I read them I felt a deep resonance with the descriptions of each sparketype. For instance, take a look at the picture where I am four years old and performing in one of the many plays my sisters, friends and I wrote as children. Or maybe I was just dancing. Honestly, I’m not even sure what I was up to, but look how cute I was!!!!
Sorry, I digress.
Now, the next step is to figure out what to DO with this information about my Sparketypes.
Where does all of this fit into the larger puzzle I’ve been working on that gives a picture of who I am and who I am meant to be?
If you’re like me, your understanding of yourself has shifted throughout your life. For many of us, the easiest way to understand ourselves is through the identities we hold. In my life I have been a student, teacher, sister, daughter, wife, friend, athlete, waitress, counselor, smoker, non-smoker, drinker, non-drinker, vegan, vegetarian, omnivore, atheist, agnostic, minister, aunt, activist, artist, and more.
Some of these identities were fleeting and others have persisted throughout my life. Some of these identities seemed to disappear as my circumstances changed.
For instance, am I still an athlete if I don’t play a team sport? What does it mean to be an artist when I’m not that good at art? Am I still a minister if I’m not serving in an official capacity?
These are all questions I’ve pondered at one time or another. Some I am pondering in this exact moment. And the answers are not simple but rather complex and multifaceted, and impacted by the messages I receive from society about what it means to “be” something.
In our society, so much of our identity is wrapped up in what we do - usually for pay, but also as hobbies and pastimes. We should do the things we excel at.
What we do is what, and who, we are.
And, so many of us stop doing the things that spark joy for us as we get older. We no longer play sports, or draw, or collect wild flowers, or perform, or play an instrument. We stop doing things for joy and start doing things in order to be productive (thanks, capitalism).
In my life, I have really struggled with this. I really love being productive. Well, let me rephrase that, I am really GOOD at being productive.
But, if I really reflect on it, the things that actually spark a sense of joy and purpose for me are these: creating shared moments, making people laugh, bringing order to chaos (whether through ritual, organizing a closet or event, or showing deep care), and helping others find a way toward their favorite selves.
This is why the Sparketypes resonated with me - they encompass who I am at my core. I’m excited to learn more about them, and myself in the process.
But there’s a piece of all of this that I think is missing.
In this journey toward self-awareness we often overlook a key component of it all - who we are as experienced by the people in our lives.
Why wasn’t Susan shocked or surprised by the results of my test? Because, to her, these things are obvious. She sees them everyday.
In some ways, she is able to see the true me that I sometimes forget because of self-doubt, worry, or external pressure.
For so many of us, the true essence of the people we love is clear as day. It may be difficult for them to see or put into words but, for us, it’s simple. We may see them come alive when they are doing a task or talking about something they love, and we never point that out to them.
I bet you know what I’m talking about. Think of a person you love dearly. When have you seen them shine? On the field or court, in class, in the kitchen, building or creating something, or teaching? When have you seen that spark of life light within them?
Do you think they know that about themselves?
Can you name the places and circumstances that have this effect for you?
If not, maybe we need to highlight these sparks for each other.
Maybe we need to start speaking up when we see the spark.
Maybe we need to pay attention to what brings us alive.
Maybe we need to pick up the hammer, or the soccer ball, or the book, or the pen and pay attention to how we feel in our bodies and our spirits.
Maybe we need to reconnect with our younger and more grounded selves.
And maybe, just maybe, we’ll remember who we are at our very core.
This week’s Invitation to Deepening: What brings you alive? Not sure? Try taking this assessment and see if the results resonate with you.
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